Are you stressed out about who and what you should pay for when it comes to your enchanting destination wedding? I want you to think of a seesaw (like you might see on a playground). On one side, you have your budget. On the other side, you have “etiquette”. Now that you have your seesaw in mind, imagine what will happen if you lean too heavily on either side. The seesaw will no longer work as it is supposed to! In order to make decisions about what expenses to cover, you need to understand that you must keep this seesaw balanced.
You Don’t Want Grumbling Guests
Etiquette is a code of behavior that society has agreed on which has to do with being polite. If the word etiquette sounds irrelevant or intimidating, substitute it with “kindness” or “thoughtfulness”. Basically, rules about etiquette help us act in ways that are considerate of others.
Because wedding budgets vary so much, it is impossible to give hard and fast rules about what the bride and groom (and their families) need to cover. The rules of etiquette give us a starting off point, and then we have to wiggle and squirm until the rules fit with our budget.
Etiquette dictates that the couple needs to cover a welcome party, the rehearsal dinner, the reception, and a morning-after brunch. This is considered customary, and if you decide to leave your guests high and dry at one of these wedding time-line events, you might receive some raised eyebrows in the very least. Since no one wants to hear grumbling guests, I advise you to feed and offer refreshments to your guests at these times.
No one is telling you what to feed them! It could be an affordable pizza party rehearsal dinner on the hotel roof! You don’t have to break the bank in order to fill these obligations.
The Wedding Party Deserves Special Treatment
In addition, etiquette dictates that the bride and groom should pay for lodging for attendants. The bride and groom should think carefully about how many people they want in their wedding parties if they plan on paying lodging. Hotel room fees can add up quickly!
When you are deciding whether or not to follow this rule, try putting yourself in your bridesmaids or groomsmen’s shoes. Think about their individual situations and whether you think they can bear the financial burden that you will be asking of them if you don’t cover lodging.
Close friends who are struggling financially won’t want to let you down, and will likely foot the bill with a smile plastered on their faces. Is that what you want? If this perspective makes you see that it will be hard for them to pay, than scrimp and save in other areas, and foot the lodging bill for those special few who you have asked to be a part of your wedding party. Close friends are worth it!
Everyone Else Gets To Choose
You do not have to worry about every single guest that you invite, and whether they will be comfortable paying for the expenses that will come along with your destination wedding. Once you have carefully considered your VIP list (parents, perhaps grandparents, and your wedding party), you should stop there. If a guest is excited to come to your fun, exotic location to help you celebrate your union, they will make it happen! They are free to politely decline.
Keep your seesaw balanced between budget concerns and acting kindly. This way you will see that the choices you make have to keep both ends of the balance in mind! Think about costs from your guest’s perspective. Your guests, especially your wedding party, should be looking forward to your tropical-bliss gathering, not resenting you for the work-out you are giving their wallet.
Do you think these rules sound fair, or do you disagree?
Leave a comment below!